Teenage Relationship advice from Eugenia Gallo

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Okay. Welcome back. After you really got me Van Halen, which I think was a cover of the Kinks, originally did it. We got another interview. We've been interview city today. And we had the man from Rockingham Penguins. And we just had people for. I've got to pronounce this right. Kalini Art Center. And now we have Eugenie. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Eugenia. [00:00:27] Speaker A: Eugenia. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:29] Speaker A: I bet a lot of people like me pronounce it wrong. [00:00:32] Speaker B: Eugenia. Yeah, it is. The name is Italian, so it's actually Eugenia. [00:00:36] Speaker A: Oh, really? [00:00:37] Speaker B: Yeah. But the English way to mention is Eugenia has an A at the end. [00:00:41] Speaker A: It's funny because people. My wife's got an Italian. She was originally a Marani. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Okay. [00:00:49] Speaker A: But her name is Rosanna. But people here pronounce Rosanna. [00:00:55] Speaker B: There you go. Yeah. [00:00:58] Speaker A: So they do it, don't they? Yeah. And when you pronounce that soccer player, that was just beautiful. Oh, I love it. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:06] Speaker A: Oh, it's so. Yeah. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Yeah, he's. Yeah, he was a big, big legend. Big history back in Argentina as well. He was, yeah. [00:01:18] Speaker A: He could walk on water just there, couldn't he? [00:01:20] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah. He definitely not from this planet. [00:01:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:24] Speaker B: The things that he did was pretty amazing. [00:01:26] Speaker A: Yeah. So why are you here? [00:01:30] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a different story. Why I'm here today. So I. I'm a youth coach. I have a background as a youth worker and I started my own company in personal development for parents and teenagers five years ago. I specialize in teenage brain development and emotional development and I help them understand their inner world, how emotions work, how to self regulate, how to cope with stress and how to have a healthy family dynamic. That's my specialty. [00:02:04] Speaker A: That's a big area to cover, isn't it? [00:02:06] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. [00:02:08] Speaker A: So why. Why did you choose this vocation? [00:02:15] Speaker B: Well, I. It started a long time ago. I personally struggled when I was a teen. I was very much misunderstood by my own family. [00:02:24] Speaker A: You're what? Sorry? [00:02:24] Speaker B: Misunderstood? [00:02:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Yep. Gotcha. [00:02:28] Speaker B: So they did the best they could in that moment. My, my mum, she's a very successful mathematician, so very smart. My dad a successful entrepreneur. So everything that was goal settings and achieving that was thumbs up. It was great. But when it comes to emotionally process what was happening with me, especially in those teenage years, they didn't know what to do and they. The best they could do in that moment was put me through therapy. But it didn't work. So it comes from those years. I always was like, I couldn't understand myself. I couldn't understand the world around me. And that put me into becoming, started becoming a youth worker. So that's how I started. Yeah. Before transitioning to the coaching space. Now I'm more in the coaching space. But that's my big why I want. I know, I know Because I work with them. Being a teenager is such actually an amazing thing. You. I know you're gonna. [00:03:34] Speaker A: No, no, look, honestly I'm very interested in. No, no, it's very interesting what you say. [00:03:40] Speaker B: It's they. If think about they are, they are discovering who they are, who they want to become. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:47] Speaker B: It's a moment I like. This is how I like when I talk with parents that come to my world. They are discovering their own brand, their own identity, what they like, what they like, what kind of music, what kind of food, what kind of people. I want to be surrounded with who I want to become when I am an adult. And that's a lot. And society, it's getting more complex and technology is getting in the, in the middle. Unfortunately, social media is not helping that much with emotional development and brain development. And what I found most is they are misunderstood. The teen brain is going through a massive change. I'm going to get a bit more technical now. It's the pre and photo context. This part of the brain which is here is the one in charge. Executive brain, the logic brain. It's under huge development during this years. It starts by the age of 13 until the age of 25. So we think about of a teenager and a young adult. They most likely make decisions from the emotional brain, the limbic brain, the amygdala is more in charge. The logic brain is not, it's not, it's under this, under development till the age of 25. So they really need our help. They need our help and I say this, I need our help because I'm a coach but I'm a mom as well. They need our help to make them feel safe, to understand the consequences of decisions, to understand how to relate and how to bring to the community. They're part of from a place of passion, of heart but also keep an understanding what values, what are the consequences actions, what happens when you make take decisions that are high, big risk and especially when drugs and like alcohol and all this stuff gets involved because they are, they are exploring. So it's a moment for them of exploration and unfortunately not having a safe place to come back which should be home. If they feel they're going to be judged or misunderstood straight away, they're not going to come to you as a parent if they need to and those moments are key for them to understand the consequences of the actions, understand what's going to happen if they continue going towards that direction and feel safe, seen and heard by the parents which ultimately what I they learn with me, the parents and the teenager. You will get the best out of it as from you for your child if you learn how to do that. [00:06:27] Speaker A: So how do, how do people sort of when I say get in contact you think well I need help here. How do they. What's the steps involved in that? [00:06:39] Speaker B: They well this is good news. I have, I'm filled out as you can imagine at the moment and I have developed a platform which coming live into in two weeks time. So that's the first step. It's a membership. They're going to be, they're going to be short trainings and master classes in how to connect, how to stop the power struggle. Because that's a big thing with teenagers. They're going to push boundaries, they're going to try hard to push boundaries and they wire for that. The brain is working out the way and part of learning and trying to understand who they want to become. It happens with pushing boundaries. So this platform is big time. This platform is the first step. So through this platform it's very accessible. It's 97 per month which comes like $3 per day, even less than a coffee. You're going to get all the first skills. And most of them parents, they just need that. What I found most in the community is they haven't had the education and the skills around what is to have a twin and a teenager. And once they get that right. So most of them they don't actually need therapy or may they don't actually have like need. I'm talking about the cases that you do need. I'm not taking therapy out of the of the equation. What I'm saying is most of the cases are solved but helping the parent understand how to connect, how to lower the power struggle and how to create an environment at home where the teen feels seen, hurt and not judge and they will come to you for guidance because as a parent you are the mentor, you are guiding them. If you are all the time telling them what to do, what not to do, they're not going to listen. They're most likely they're going to run away. That's not the way how their brain is working. It's not the how the best way to get the best out of them. And so yeah, the first contact is this platform. It's a membership they can contact me through my website, they can go to me through email and I'm gonna introduce them to this amazing because I know, I know it's going to impact so like so many lives around the community, we do need help. [00:09:12] Speaker A: It's, it's very interesting. There's so many things I can ask. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:17] Speaker A: Because having being a father myself to two teenage girls and now my daughters have got teenagers and you see reflected in their children what was reflected with my children. And it's a very difficult, I think it's very difficult for the teenagers I'm asking and I think it's very difficult for the parents. [00:09:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:55] Speaker A: At the same time because the parents may know that you shouldn't do this. So that's going to be as a parent, my thing. You shouldn't do this as, as a parent. But that doesn't for the teenagers mind, I think. Oh, you said I don't do it. Well, I'm going to do it. So you've. I think the thing is, I don't know, I'm asking this is this if you were to say, look, this is what happens perhaps could happen if you do this. But at the end of the day I'm asking this is what attitude at the end of the day that decision will be yours. Is that. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Yeah, well, because this is, this is not positive parenting or fluff because that's a lot of people when they contact me it's like, like, oh, is this going to be another positive parenting? Like no, you're going to be putting boundaries. They need boundaries. [00:10:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:48] Speaker B: They need limits. They need, they need like they need. It's a need when you're doing that, that's you caring for them. They don't know yet the consequences of the actions. They do need limits. They knew need boundaries. The thing is you can do it by controlling or you can do it by leading. And that's the main difference when you get a parent that it's that knows how to self soothe, that knows how to communicate with clarity, that knows how to regulate their own emotions. They, they're going to feel that and they're going to respect you. They're going to respect you, they're going to see you as a leader and they're going to follow you want a parent and this is what I work with. It's. I'm going to help you to be the parent that's going to be leading your home and leading again. It doesn't mean that you let them do whatever. It means that you know how to set boundaries. And limits in a way that they feel that you do it because you care for them. And, and that's. As my daughter I've worked with so many teenagers now my daughter, she's two years and I already signed to her like even when sometimes he has a tantrum and she doesn't like it. It's Athena. I'm doing this because I my job is keeping you safe. So communication is key. And I'm already everything that I've known at learn and study I'm putting in practice for her. She is absolutely amazing. She has two years. And even at Kim they're saying like I can't believe how self regulator is this kid. So it's. You can start when they are young if you didn't succeed or it didn't work out when they were young. The second chance is when they are a teenager. And I talked before about brain development is in. During our lifespan we have two moments in our lives from zero to three years and then from since they started twin until the 25 those moments the brains are a massive massive development. So neuroplasticity is at its peak. The dopamine reward system. Reward system is at its peak. The prefrontal cord is at its peak. If we teach them in these moments if you didn't do it when they were 0 to 3, you can do it when they are a teenager. And if you know how to do this in these moments in their life they're going to carry that with them into the adulthood and then they're going to repeat. So because what you are seeing now with your daughter they learn from you. The why they learn and they probably what you see is now they're repeating their behavior because you inherited behaviors behaviors. And the way how we learn, we learn 80% more of seeing and interacting in the moment that what your parent is going to tell you. [00:13:53] Speaker A: Yeah. It's funny she mentioned I always said to. To my wife it's you can talk to your children. But I said I think sometimes it's when you think your children aren't listening that that's. You know they listen to the way you talk to each other and the things that you say. They're the things I think I don't know. I've always believed that it is science. [00:14:19] Speaker B: That's science. It is proven by science. They learn, they learn through like watching, observing. Their little brains are sponges and they, they just. They watch you and they make a meaning out of it. So if you behave in a way but then you say something that is Different. They're not going to follow what you say, they're going to follow what you do. [00:14:42] Speaker C: Jenny, how do you, how do you coach a family that's split like a mother and father? How does that, how do you cope and how do you present your teachings to a split family? [00:14:57] Speaker B: That's a good question. It's not the. Well, I was going to say it's not the easy way but I sometimes I do, I do have families that are still together but their mom and dad are battling heads. So when it comes to raising a child and is this is goes this disregard if they separate or not separate because you can actually get a divorce and if you're still working as a team, your kid is not going to be as much as affected. I had work with families that are separated and divorced and you have a lot out here that when you having both parents that and I always say this to them, you're coming here to give your child the best. You come in here to learn how to role model for them. Yes. Your marriage didn't work. You might have some things there you need to work with to have a better and healthier relationship. At the end of the day, your number one goal is to help your child to become the best person. That's your goal. So what I do with them is I work first with mum and dad in what's. Okay, so what happened? What was the reason that you got divorced? Okay, let's talk about, let's unpack this. And what do you, what are your goals? What do you want to like, why are you coming here? Are you worried about your kids? Like that's your big, your big worry. Like you don't know how to work as a team. So that's what you're going to learn with me, to work as a team. The family is a team. [00:16:41] Speaker C: Yes, I agree the family's a team. But when you've got one parent that wants, wants it and the other one doesn't and the other one doesn't at all, at all, there's a major, major problem. [00:16:55] Speaker B: Yep, that's true. [00:16:56] Speaker C: And with that problem, there can only be one winner. Unfortunately not all the time that they take, they're looking for the children's benefit. They're really looking for their own benefit to win because they believe they've lost something in their life, whether it be a mother, father, marriage, something's happened to them and that they don't want to lose that child. So they will do anything to stop, stop the development of the troll so they can win. How do you process that and how do you overcome that? [00:17:46] Speaker B: I hear you. Yeah, that's a very, is a very challenging situation. I would say in that case that unfortunately the parent that wants the best and wants to work on themselves can't control what the other parent does. You can't. The only thing that you can do is work on yourself and the relationship with the kid and work the way where the kid feels safe with you. Because when they pass those teenage years, they believe me, they gonna remember how they feel with you and how they feel with, let's say, like it's you and mom. How feel you and how they felt with mom. And this is what we're talking about. What they learn more about behaviors and they. Because it's, it's. It's a subconscious mind working there. So that's, that's what it is. This is, I don't, I don't want to get too much technical and, and complex. It's trying to make it simple. It's a subconscious mind working there. So at the end of the day you're going to pass those years and they, when they become an adult and they're going to come to the person they feel safe most. So if the other part doesn't want to work on themselves and they trying to. They're doing power struggles or they're giving a lot of. Sometimes what I, what I have most is just the parents start and because they think that by giving and buying present and making and having fun with the kid, that's how they're going to gain kids love or that's how they're going to control them. Actually they are affecting the child unfortunately in their development. The thing is you can't control them. You can't. Like it's. It is, it is, it's the truth. What you can do is you can work on yourself and work on the relationship and honestly in that case, hope for the best for the other part and work in the relationship with the child in a way that your child feels safe and connected. Safety and connection. [00:19:44] Speaker C: Do you think that if the parent that wants the best and the other parent is giving whatever they need to keep that child and the other parent loses out. Is it irretrievable is the relationship if the child leaves to go and live with the other parent, is it irretrievable for the father or mother who loses that relationship? [00:20:18] Speaker B: I don't, I don't believe that it's retrieval. I do believe and I see that some cases the kid comes back, some cases they don't at the end of the day, that's the journey as a human, as individual. And this is, it is very important to understand that we are raising someone else like a human, like someone individual life. We're trying to give the best as parents. They also going to make their own decisions. So what I've seen in those cases, I'm going to give you a few examples is sometimes the kids, the child or teenager decides to go with the other part because they feel more fun or they give you a lot of presents because as I usually happens, they give a lot of presents. They make them feel fun and the child goes with them. When the child, the teenager puts that person above the, like out of the pedestal because that's going to eventually happen when they become an adult. That's not, it's not like a science. It's natural. It happens. They put, they put parents down off the pedestal and they see the truth. So. Or either in that moment, it's up to the decision of the child to is like, okay, my mom, my dad, this is who he, she is actually. Am I feeling safe here? What? And that's the moment where are they going to be the same type of character and person or they're going to think like, okay, actually the other part, my dad in this case was always showing me consistency. I was always feeling safe, actually. I was always being hurt and not judged. And I'm going to come, I'm going to go back because this feels unsafe. This is not the truth. This is not reality. This is not. But again, you can't control that. [00:22:28] Speaker C: No, you can't. Can't control the feelings of an adolescent. [00:22:32] Speaker B: Yeah, you can't. [00:22:34] Speaker C: As you say, their brain works in a different, different sphere. They, they don't understand the personal sacrifices that you're giving. You're giving it to them. You're having them in your home, you're looking after them, you're trying to keep them safe. And I don't think that they truly understand that as a parent in that position. They don't understand what you're trying to do for them. It's okay to open doors for your child, but you have to let that child, that adolescent walk through the door. And then you have to say, I believe that you have to say that, you know, it's your time. I can only guide you. I can't tell you. Is that, is that where the coaching of both the, the father, mother and the child come in? [00:23:41] Speaker B: Yes, that's correct. Yeah. Yeah. You can't. Like you, you can't tell them what to do. You can always show them. And again, put boundaries, put limits, help them feel sane, safe, like and seen and heard. And then that's when they learn the consequences of the actions. And I know it hurts because you're a parent and you don't want them to suffer. And you know what's on the other side, but the truth is that you can't. You can't. You can't live the life for them. [00:24:15] Speaker C: No, you can't. And I think the suffering as a parent who's gone down that journey, who's nurtured a child, who's had cancer twice, who had a bone marrow transplant, who was on the edge of the cliff, and I said to him, it's up to you. If you want to live, it's up to you. I can't force you to live. If you don't want to live, that's okay. I'm not going to blame anybody. But it's your choice. I can only do everything for you. I can only open the doors, and you have to walk through the door if you don't want to walk through the door. It's a learning curve, but seeing the people around you take that. There's people here that aren't here today, that won't be here tomorrow. And I think a child like that took that on, but it was still learning, still finding their feet in life. So I really understand what you're saying and what you're trying to coach to create a wholesome family with family values. [00:25:27] Speaker B: Yep. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I had sort of a question out of maybe left field here. What happens? And I've seen it. Is that a young, impressionable teenager. I would say I'm probably using the wrong terminology here, but their mind gets poisoned. Like Darren was saying, their mind gets poisoned about the other partner. Will they ever. Or, you know, no matter what you would say, that poison mind, almost like being brainwashed. How do you reverse that? Like, you know, you say, look, I'd like to be honest with you now. That doesn't work. Or did you not know? That doesn't work. So is that a difficult thing? [00:26:21] Speaker B: It is challenging, yes. Can you rewire brain? Yes. Absolutely. You can? [00:26:26] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:26:27] Speaker B: Absolutely. You can? Yeah. There are techniques to do that. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Seriously? [00:26:31] Speaker B: Yes, they are. Yeah, I. I'm a big fan, and I'm also certified in breath work, and I utilize breath work to help people rewire the brain. And, yes, you can do that. I'm not saying it's easy. [00:26:46] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. I just. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Because it's years of like behaviors and patterns. Yes, certain ways. It's going to take some time. Yes, it is possible. [00:26:55] Speaker A: So you mentioned breathing. [00:26:57] Speaker B: Yeah, it's breath work. It's not yoga. It's not pranayama. Is it not anything like that? No, it's breath work. So you can follow certain patterns. You need to be guided by the coach and it helps you. Because that's plain and simple is let's say that you're being brainwashed or poisoned by a person. So and you be high, you start behaving and having some patterns. So you're going to attract experiences that are going to help you to reflect back those patterns. So you're going to have like over and over again the same experiences in this poison or brainwash state. Yeah, yeah, state. What's going to happen with that is your brain is going to be rewired, but also your emotions are going to be attached to. To those, the poison and the brainwash. The easiest way to find, to find the way out is to emotionally detox first the body. Yeah. You can do that with breathwork. You can emotionally detox the body from those patterns. Once the body is detox, then the coaching and rewiring with nlp. NLP is a great tool, is going to come very handy and it's going to be way much easier to rewire the brain. [00:28:18] Speaker A: Wow. [00:28:19] Speaker B: Yes, you can definitely do that. [00:28:21] Speaker A: Is there's a lot of books that are out there and you've probably read a gazillion of them. I haven't. [00:28:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I love reading. [00:28:34] Speaker A: A lot of people talk of emotional intelligence. What is emotional intelligence? [00:28:40] Speaker B: What is. It's emotions are messages. They are data. They're not a drama, they're not a problem or something that needs to be fixed. Being emotional intelligent means that you can feel and sense your own emotions, your own data, and make decisions that are aligned with your core values, with who you are and where you're going. So being emotionally intelligent, it means that you can read yourself, not get caught in the emotion and the reacting part of the emotion. That's what happens in these teenage years. Like they are reacting all the time. And take your emotions as a way of making a grounded decision that means to be emotionally intelligent, you can still feel your emotions, your sensations and the decision that you're gonna make. It comes from a place of grounded inner wisdom and they are aligned with your values and who you want to become. [00:29:56] Speaker A: I do have another question. [00:29:57] Speaker B: Yeah, okay. [00:29:59] Speaker A: Because it's so interesting, the subject, I think it is. So why can you answer this? Why like pick. I don't know, pick 10 teenagers. Right. Nine teenagers are what you might say, typical teenagers. They're, you know, combative and all that sort of thing. [00:30:19] Speaker C: Right. [00:30:19] Speaker A: You know, but sometimes you get that one teenager who's just loss of truck. Pardon? [00:30:25] Speaker B: One that is lost of truck. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Like. [00:30:28] Speaker B: Or what do you mean? [00:30:29] Speaker A: No, no, I mean like, it's just. [00:30:30] Speaker C: I think what he's. What. What Nick's saying is you've got one teenager out of the 10 out of the 10 who's not that. [00:30:38] Speaker A: No, he's not that. Like completely logical, completely emotional, not aggressive, not anti. Just, you know, very much almost like an adult mind in a teenager does. Is there a reason that happens? [00:30:54] Speaker B: I would say that person has really awesome parents. If a teenager. If you have a teenager that is capable and able to utilize more, the logical brain most likely know how to cope with his own emotions. And I will say that you have two parents that are very much grounded and they have actually transfer to the team through behaviors, how to self regulate. [00:31:24] Speaker A: Wow. There you go. [00:31:26] Speaker C: That is. That is a very insightful. It is very insightful because I had. I was in the. I was in Nick's chair yesterday. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:31:34] Speaker C: And I had three unbelievable kids. [00:31:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:40] Speaker C: Sit with me and I gave them the newspapers and read out what things mean to them. And they're insightful, they were thoughtful, they were funny. Some of the comments I got on text were, they're insightful, they're funny. Let them go. Let them chat about what they wanted to chat about. And what I found was that these three particular young people, adolescents, you can't. You can't. They're square. And square things don't fit in round holes. And that's what I thought. I thought about these three. [00:32:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:22] Speaker C: That they're all articulate. [00:32:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:25] Speaker C: In their own. In their own being. But they don't fit. So they're three out of the seven that I thought don't fit that mold. But the seven would say, are they different? [00:32:42] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And I got. Yeah, absolutely. [00:32:44] Speaker C: And that's what I think. [00:32:47] Speaker B: That's. [00:32:47] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. How do you feel about that? [00:32:49] Speaker B: So that's a really good point. So that's. Unfortunately, that's when. When you have teenagers like this, if let's say they are, they feel rejected or they feel they're not part. Some of them, they. Unfortunately, if they're not strong enough or the family is not strong enough, they will abandon themselves to behaving the other way in order to belong to the pack. [00:33:16] Speaker C: So I think that that's pony into what you've just said. But then I also think that because they're so far out of the box, the, the other, the other seven would bully them because that's what, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. [00:33:35] Speaker B: That's what, that's what can happen. [00:33:37] Speaker C: They would bully them because they're different. [00:33:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:40] Speaker C: They're not the norm. [00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:43] Speaker C: They're not the norm. [00:33:44] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I would say I was. Yeah. They see as different. I see them. They are unique. They actually are a representation of what is to building your own brand as a teenager, your own identity. And don't give any, don't give any, any energy, any attention to what the other person and tell you I'm bullying you. Those, that type of kids that comes like I was, I most likely would say they have awesome and amazing parents. They need us and adults and us as a community to tell them. I was going to say protect them, but the truth is they need us to like, hey, you're doing a great job. Like you are becoming your own self. This is absolutely amazing. And there are so. No, no many teenagers seeing theirs. They're actually very powerful. [00:34:46] Speaker C: Well, that's what, that's what life came. [00:34:48] Speaker B: They're very strong. [00:34:49] Speaker C: They are. They were very, very articulate. [00:34:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:53] Speaker C: Yesterday. [00:34:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:55] Speaker C: And I didn't, I sat in there, I gave them a newspaper and three of these magazines and they picked out what meant to them. [00:35:05] Speaker B: Yep. [00:35:05] Speaker C: And I was very surprised and I was very optimistic. [00:35:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:14] Speaker C: And I felt that, you know, one, like there was a kid called Harry, he made Lego movies. Wow, that's, that's amazing. I mean I wouldn't have done that when I was 13, 14. Obviously technology now allows the adolescent to do that. Didn't allow it in my time or probably next time. We're ancient. And I just thought that they, they were, they're the ones out of the box that they get picked on because they're different to everybody else. And I found that and I sensed that with them. And then I, when I got home, I was swinging more about it and I put a lot of energy into that yesterday. [00:36:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:04] Speaker C: Well, these kids are good. [00:36:05] Speaker B: Yeah. How did you, how did you. When you were 13, 14 and doing these kind of things, what was the messages that you having from your family? [00:36:16] Speaker C: I grew up as a, as a, as a, as a, as a, as an. As a teenager analyst in the northern suburbs of Melbourne with a southern European Maltese family who. Everybody was always around you, cousins, non nu grandparents and that aunties, cousins. And we'd go as a Family and, you know, I was the baby of the family at that stage and. But I had the. I have. Have the respect of going to see them all the time. And I feel for my family in general as it's technology and everything over time has. Has blown up because I couldn't. When I had my own family, I couldn't do the things that I wanted to do. When I was that age, I didn't. I couldn't have the whole family around me for my sons. [00:37:18] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:19] Speaker C: I had a broken marriage. [00:37:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:21] Speaker C: It was very difficult. [00:37:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:25] Speaker C: I went to see coaches and that. To try and help me understand what I'm doing wrong or if I was doing anything wrong. And I wasn't getting always the answer that I wanted or that it resonated with me. But this morning, talking to you here with Nick, Eugenia, it. It's solidified a few things in my. In my mind. And you understand it more. [00:37:54] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. [00:37:56] Speaker C: Yeah, that makes sense. [00:37:58] Speaker B: Yeah, it does, it does. [00:38:00] Speaker C: And being from Melbourne and coming out from Perth. Yes. I don't have a lot of that anymore. [00:38:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:06] Speaker C: Because I have no family out here. [00:38:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:09] Speaker C: But I've got my IPL family and I've got my car club family. I've got all these other people and it's great. And the mental health of either the mother, the father suffers when they've got a child like this and they don't really know what to do. And in the day, there was no life coach or there was no coach to help them. But now, obviously, the opportunities are there for people like you to come in and right some wrongs that have been perpetuated or right some wrongs that are. That you can't get back but make you understand what has happened. [00:38:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:49] Speaker C: And that's a good thing. [00:38:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:51] Speaker C: And, you know, Nick's nodding and everyone's nodding and yeah, we. We go, right, this is, you know. And it was great having them here yesterday. [00:39:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:02] Speaker C: And there. It was great. I just talked about them to Mum and Dad this morning in Melbourne. [00:39:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:09] Speaker C: Rebecca, last night. And we'll go this. These kids are good. [00:39:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:12] Speaker C: People listen to them. They actually spoke what means to them. [00:39:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:18] Speaker C: What things mean to them, whether it's Fogo, whether it's, you know, all sorts of things. And, and it was good. And I understood more. [00:39:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I don't know if you still have contact with them, but if you can keep them more space to be themselves, that's something that you can do as an adult that will help them feel safe being Themselves. Oh, that's what they need, definitely. [00:39:44] Speaker C: And I've asked, I've asked my son Marco to listen. [00:39:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:48] Speaker C: This morning. [00:39:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:49] Speaker C: Said, mate, you need to have a listen to this because I think, and I know you're going to get something out of it. [00:39:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:56] Speaker C: And sitting here with Nick and yesterday I was sort of sexing and I've got the kids here and we're all talking and they're playing their own music and they're in the chair and they're all having a good time. They were laughing and they were joking and they were at ease. I'm thinking, wow, how good is this? And you've just cemented all of what I saw yesterday in these three young people who are the three square pegs that won't go into the round holes, that they are better than the other seven. They've got it in their head already where they want to go. [00:40:33] Speaker B: Yeah, they do. [00:40:34] Speaker C: And it's a good thing. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Yeah, No, I, I think it's, it's been fascinating. I, I listening and I think from what you were saying about those young people in here yesterday, Darren, that unfortunately, I think, and I'm just adding an opinion, I think society wants you to be put in a pigeonhole. Like they want you if you're a little bit slow at maths or this, that the other, like, oh, well, he's not going to math to put him in this thing. But they don't think, oh, actually he's really, really clever at building whatever. But they don't want. It's that everybody has to fit in a box. And what you're saying is, I agree, these children maybe don't fit in those boxes and so all of a sudden he's not really what he should be or she is that. [00:41:29] Speaker B: Well, it's always easier to control people when they fit in a box. [00:41:35] Speaker A: How true is that? I got another random question, if I can. [00:41:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:40] Speaker A: So I was brought up in my teenage years. Were, what were they in the probably early 70s. Your teenage years would have been a little bit later than mine, Darren. [00:41:52] Speaker C: Yeah, I would have said mine's the 80s. [00:41:56] Speaker A: Right. So you've got 70s, 80s and yours. Because I don't know your age. [00:42:00] Speaker B: I was born in 89, so 2000s. [00:42:05] Speaker A: Have you studied, like the generations of teenagers in your studies? [00:42:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:09] Speaker A: What, what would do you think there's an era like now? I think there's so much available like you're talking here about, which we didn't have in our day, but did we have as many issues in our Day. [00:42:26] Speaker B: Well no, and that's, that's what I, I come across with parents, they just like, they don't understand it's social media wasn't a big thing. [00:42:35] Speaker A: No, it was nothing. [00:42:36] Speaker B: And like look, it's not to ban social media to put us about thing because I think it can absolutely do great things. [00:42:42] Speaker A: I do too. [00:42:43] Speaker B: Yeah, they, they absolutely do. It's just. And what I was talking before about this moment in the brain development with the dopamine circuitry, the reward system and the prefrontal cortex developing, they are more likely to chase. Chase likes chase validation. So what what he was mentioned about this beautiful teenagers yesterday being themselves. Yeah, they, I, I am. I can, I'll put my firm on this. I'm pretty sure they don't actually chase for those likes and for that validation and they keep themselves like truth to who they are. [00:43:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:27] Speaker B: So it's an identity process. The people who will chase validations and like will deform themselves and abandon themselves in order to fit in the box to be part of their group or part of the pack or. Yeah, it's, it's a very interesting topic. I love, I love teenagers. I also love human behavior and development. So it's I think all fits the site this cycle of putting people in the box and if we don't behave being a certain way, you know, accept it. So it's just. Yeah. And adding this to the technology and social media, it's just a tick tock. So you didn't have him when you were growing? No. [00:44:19] Speaker A: Well that's. Look, you know I was speaking to my wife but back in my day you, you know, obviously a teenager but you still wanted to. You know if somebody got a cardigan which is really trendy and two or three people had it. I necessarily didn't like that cardigan but I wanted to buy one. So it's a really, really minor thing that. Yes. It's like just fake justification now with teenagers is likes, likes, likes, likes and all these. When my day you probably still had it like wanting to be liked for having that jumper. But it's such a minor thing. But now it's, it's huge. [00:45:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Well when you make, you can, you can actually train yourself during your day and it can take a long time but you will get there. When you're making decisions during the day before making decision ask yourself am I making this decision because it makes me feel good and better with myself or I'm making this decision for someone else. And when I say this is when you buy Something when you go into a meeting, when you go into a family reunion, are you going there because you really want to, because it actually makes you feel good, or you've been actually trained to think that that's who you want to have to be in order to be accepted? Wow, that's. Yeah. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Well, it's been a great chat. [00:45:52] Speaker C: It has. It's been very insightful. [00:45:54] Speaker A: And it's. It's like everything. I think Darren speaking here, it's like this huge iceberg, and we go up to the tip and we just get a little bit. But, you know, you could. I love to be able to talk, you know, for hours and hours about this because it's. There's so many questions, and you learn so much as us, Darren and myself being laymen, we learn so much. [00:46:20] Speaker C: It is. It is correct, Eugenia. It's. You know, I mean, as Nick said, it's so insightful. And, you know, your company, Creators will create empowering teens and families to achieve lasting success through transformative personal development programs and events. And that says everything about you coming in this morning. And I've had a brief look at your Facebook pages, and it's fantastic. It's some of the questions that I wish that. And some of the things that I wish I knew a little bit better. And I know that there's no. [00:47:07] Speaker B: It's not. It's never late to learn. [00:47:08] Speaker A: That's what it is. Exactly. We had people here before and yourself, and I'm a lot older than your family, but you can still learn and you can still apply them in your life even, you know, you just say, well, that's why I am. I go, no, but you can look at things differently. So if we want to get in contact with you, do you have an email address or website or. [00:47:30] Speaker B: I have my website. Creators Will Create. [00:47:32] Speaker A: What is it called? Sorry? [00:47:33] Speaker B: Creators Will Create. [00:47:35] Speaker A: Creators Will Create. Now, that's. Okay. [00:47:38] Speaker B: So that Facebook and Instagram is the same. [00:47:40] Speaker A: Creators Will Create. Okay. And they could contact you through that. [00:47:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And I always encourage people to follow Instagram and Facebook because I'm always putting out content that is very valuable and educational, because that's the whole point. [00:47:55] Speaker A: Create. [00:47:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:57] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. Thanks very much. It's just. It's. What do you think? Down. It's amazing, isn't it? [00:48:05] Speaker C: It is. It is. And I've got to thank Eugenie Gallo. [00:48:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:10] Speaker C: From coming in this. For coming in this morning. [00:48:12] Speaker A: Yeah. It's been brilliant. [00:48:14] Speaker C: We've actually spoken for nearly an hour. [00:48:16] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:48:17] Speaker C: So it's actually. [00:48:18] Speaker B: I feel Like I can stay here for three more. [00:48:20] Speaker A: Yeah, well, that's the thing. And that's the thing. It's like the iceberg. And you want ask about that, then that and that and that and you know, all these questions, but they're all. Hopefully they're all helpful answers. [00:48:31] Speaker C: They are. And it's. It's insightful that. [00:48:34] Speaker A: That's it. Insightful. [00:48:35] Speaker C: Insightful. [00:48:36] Speaker A: And yeah. [00:48:37] Speaker C: You know, there's a few comments there that I'm just reading there now and, you know, wow, I wish we knew or. It was amazing listening. And I think, you know, the young man there has. Has. Has hopefully listened. [00:48:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:48:54] Speaker C: And I know that he's listening because he's asked a couple of questions. [00:48:57] Speaker B: Okay. [00:48:59] Speaker C: And it's been great. Eugenia, my pleasure. So, yeah, thank you very much. [00:49:04] Speaker B: Thank you so much for inviting. [00:49:05] Speaker A: Thanks again for coming in. And, you know, if. If ever you want to come in again, you know, I don't know, we'll contact you or you, if you're happy to come in again. I'm sure I'd like to chat with Darren and you here. [00:49:18] Speaker B: Absolutely. Yeah. I will be more than happy to come. I know that. I know that me talking and sharing what I know, it already makes a difference. [00:49:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:29] Speaker B: And I really want to see our community thrive. [00:49:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, that's. [00:49:33] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:49:34] Speaker B: So that's my number one goal. [00:49:36] Speaker C: It's. It's the IPL family, and the IPL family is the mental health. [00:49:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:41] Speaker C: I mean, to health of our families. [00:49:43] Speaker A: Okay. Thanks, guys. We'll go with a sort of poignant thing with this song, won't we? You're my best friend.